I’m Not Going to My Dream School and I’m Okay With It?
There is nothing better than working hard with your eye on the prize and reaching your goal… which is why it sucked when I got into my dream school and ultimately couldn’t afford the tuition.
While I have since committed to one of my other top choices, which I am very happy with, it took me a while to adjust my perspective on my future. It felt so hard to take my eye off of this amazing spectacular prize and adjust to a different, not so shiny prize.
I’m a planner. A preparer. A worrier for the future. I like to think that it helps me be ready for every single possible (and usually highly unlikely) outcome for every single possible (and every more unlikely) situation. But in reality, it causes me more trouble than it’s worth. As I approach likely the biggest change I’ve ever experienced, I have had to find a balance between planning and also crossing bridges when I get to them.
This has proved to be a valuable skill to hone in on. I spent hours — and I mean hours — crying over the uncertainty that my entire future had been placed under. I was constantly spiraling into a pool of “Where will I be living in six months?” “What if going to this school ruins my career?” and “What if I hate everyone and everything and can’t leave and have to live with this decision for the rest of my life?”
Yeah. Not great.
Anyway, as soon as I committed to not my dream school, all that anxiety disappeared and I felt so much better. This made me realize that all that anxious planning did me absolutely nothing in terms of preparing. I could have spent the past six months' worth of panicking doing normal teenager things and just plain relaxing.
Now, I have also learned that there are some anxieties I cannot just let go of super easily. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder which basically boils down to I will likely always feel some sort of anxiety. My reaction to the anxiety, however, is what will change. The change won’t happen overnight or in two weeks or even two years. It takes practice to change how you have instinctively reacted to a situation for your entire life.
Between therapy, anxiety medication, breathing tools, and mindset shifting, I am slowly but surely becoming less stuck in the “What if?” and finally starting to live my life in the present.
Working on your mental health and anxieties is very similar to working out and building muscle. It takes time and with patience and determination, you will see results that leave you happier and healthier.
I’m excited to see what my university career will bring me, despite it not being what I thought. Remember to find the best in a situation. It turns out that the school I committed to is a better fit for me than what I had deemed my dream school. I’m a strong believer that things happen for a reason and this mantra has been key to worrying less about the future. The universe does indeed work in mysterious ways.
So yeah, I’m not going to my dream school… and I’m learning to be okay with it.
